(no subject)

[nepetaleijon]

Three hours, Future Karkat said in the memo.

That gives her enough time to build the fire up, and heat water for tea, and try rearranging the fur pile, and wish she had time to hunt and roast something so she could offer him food when he comes, and consider running down to the bar to get cookies or something, and change her mind, and change her mind again, and rearrange the fur pile again, and finally perch on the rock outcropping outside her cave to see if she can see him coming.

And dive back into the cave as soon as she's sure she does.

Comments

[crabbycustomer]

There is nothing Karkat enjoys more than talking about his feelings.


No, wait, that's not true at all. Feelings are terrible and everyone should try their best not to have them, and if they do they should have the decency not to talk about it. But he promised.

It is cold out here, so Karkat has reluctantly allowed the bar to supply him with a corduroy jacket, on the condition that it is serviceable, black, and aggressively uninteresting. He turns the collar up against the wind and jams his fronds in the pocket as he mumps his way up in the mountainside.

"NEPETA?"

[nepetaleijon]

"Karkat?"

Why is that a question of course it's him.

"Come on in, it's fureezing out there."

[crabbycustomer]

"YEAH NO SHIT, I AM THE ONE OUT HERE IN IT."

He scuffs his way inside, wiping his feet for reasons he can't possibly imagine. He obviously doesn't want to track dirt in all over her... dirt."SO. HEY."

[nepetaleijon]

The floor of the cave isn't so much dirt as stone, with moss here and there. Owing to the entryway being fairly small, though, at least the interior is pretty warm.

"Hey." Unconsciously, she laces her fingers together; the cuffs of her coat are completely hiding her hands.

[crabbycustomer]

He sits, awkwardly, on the pile of furs. "SO... YOU WANTED TO HEAR WHAT HAPPENED?"

[nepetaleijon]

"Yeah." Quickly. "Oh -- do you want some tea? I made some."

[crabbycustomer]

"...I GUESS." Everything they are saying, even the stupid pointless things, seems inordinately charged and cautious now. He scrubs at his hair with his hand, rubbing his heel over his forehead.

[nepetaleijon]

She hurries over to the hearth where the teapot is sitting, pours two cups, brings them over. Hands him one, carefully.

And just as carefully, sits down in the fur pile a few feet away from him.

"So ... what happurned?"

[crabbycustomer]

"WELL, I GUESS TO START WITH, VRISKA'S DEAD. WE DIDN'T GET THERE IN TIME. AND FRANKLY I DON'T KNOW IF THERE'S ANYTHING WE COULD HAVE DONE, SHE WANTED TO GO FIGHT JACK. IF SHE LOST HE COULD'VE FOLLOWED HER TRAIL RIGHT BACK TO ALL OF US, BUT YOU KNOW VRISKA... SHE NEVER WORRIED ABOUT WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF SHE LOST."

"TEREZI COULDN'T GET HER TO RECONSIDER, SO... YEAH."

[nepetaleijon]

"Oh."

Nepeta's sitting half-curled-up, her hands wrapped around the teacup for warmth.

"Was it Terezi who ...?"

[crabbycustomer]

"YEAH." Karkat's own tea sits in his hands; periodically he fiddles with it, rotating the cup. "SHE WAS PRETTY BROKEN UP ABOUT IT, I GUESS. WE DIDN'T GET MUCH TIME TO TALK BEFORE GAMZEE SHOWED UP."

"I KNOW SHE... WELL, MAYBE I SHOULDN'T TELL YOU THIS. BUT MAYBE YOU ALREADY KNOW, I DON'T KNOW. AND... ANYWAY. SHE HAD NEVER KILLED ANYONE BEFORE. I MEAN, SHE HAD THAT FLARP THING WITH VRISKA, BUT... YOU KNOW, HERSELF."

[nepetaleijon]

Nepeta nods. She didn't know exactly, but ... somehow she isn't surprised.

"Poor Terezi."

[crabbycustomer]

Poor Terezi, poor Vriska, poor Tavros, poor Aradia. The murderpile doesn't stop from getting higher.

"I GUESS SINCE VRISKA DIDN'T COME BACK, IT MEANS IT WAS 'JUST,' WHATEVER THAT'S SUPPOSED TO MEAN." He sighs and shakes his head.

"ANYWAY, LIKE I SAID, WE DIDN'T HAVE MUCH TIME TO PROCESS IT BEFORE GAMZEE SHOWED UP AND EVERYONE STARTED FLIPPING THEIR COLLECTIVE AND INDIVIDUAL SHIT."

[nepetaleijon]

She nods silently, and takes a long drink of tea.

(It's getting harder not to think about Equius.)

[crabbycustomer]

"SO... THAT HAPPENED."

Talking about feelings is the worst!

"I JUST HAD TO GET EVERYONE ELSE TO REIN IN THEIR OWN STUPID IDEAS AND LET ME HANDLE IT."

[nepetaleijon]

(A tiny glow of pride: they listened to him.)

"... so what did you do?"

[crabbycustomer]

"I DIDN'T REALLY... IT'S HARD TO EXPLAIN."

He knows, at some point, she must have had to pacify Equius. He wonders if it was something similar, something instinctive that they both reached for, or something as individual as each pair. "HE WAS COMING AT ME WITH HIS HAMMER, AND I JUST UNEQUIPPED MY WEAPON AND... HAD TO BELIEVE HE WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO DO IT," he says, haltingly. His expression quirks and tugs in odd directions as unaccustomed pale emotions flicker by. "AND THEN HE WAS STANDING THERE ROARING IN MY FACE BUT NOT DOING IT AND IT WAS JUST... SO COMPLETELY OBVIOUS TO ANYONE WITH A BRAIN THAT HE WAS BEGGING ME TO STOP HIM."

"AND I JUST KIND OF HUSHED HIM AND PATTED HIM AND HE JUST KEPT ON YELLING AND I WAITED HIM OUT AND THEN HE JUST KIND OF... WOUND DOWN. YOU COULD SEE HOW RELIEVED HE WAS TO HAVE THE CRAZYJUICE LET GO OF HIS SPONGE, SORT OF EXHAUSTED AND TERRIFIED BY THE WHOLE THING."

[nepetaleijon]

She takes a deep shaky breath, and lets it out.

It's entirely too easy to picture.



"I'm glad you did."

[crabbycustomer]

He looks at her sideways. "REALLY?"

He really would not be surprised, or blame her, if she still wanted him dead.

[nepetaleijon]

She nods, meeting his eyes; hers are faintly sheened with green translucence.

"Really. I ... if it means efurybody else is safe from him. And you don't have to lose your meowrail."

[crabbycustomer]

Karkat makes a pained, irritated noise, and runs his claws through his hair again. "GOD DAMN IT. YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE ME SAY IT, AREN'T YOU."



"NEPETA, I'M SORRY I HAVE CALLED YOU DUMB AND AUTISTIC AND CHILDISH FOR... AS LONG AS WE'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER."

[nepetaleijon]

She blinks.

"... really?"

[crabbycustomer]

"THAT DOESN'T MEAN I WILL NEVER CALL YOU DUMB OR CHILDISH AGAIN," Karkat says hurriedly. "I REFUSE TO EXTEND ANY PROMISES ABOUT FUTURE RUDENESS, NOW OR EVER."

[nepetaleijon]

Well, that's a little less worrisome. Maybe.

"But it's not like -- I mean, I did want him dead. And I guess in a way purrt of me still does? I just ..."

She sighs. "It's complickated."

[crabbycustomer]

"WELL, I GUESS TO START WITH..." he hesitates. Even he doesn't really understand what happened, exactly; how can he explain it?

JOHN EGBERT WAS THERE. THE HUMAN. SOMEHOW. HE HAD KNOCKED OUT VRISKA BEFORE SHE COULD FLY OFF TO GO FIGHT JACK. AND TEREZI HAD ALREADY SUBDUED GAMZEE SOMEHOW. NONE OF IT... NONE IT MATTERED, I GUESS, IN THE END. I JUST STOOD THERE AND WATCHED.

Even as he talks, he can feel his gorge rising; his whole imaginary body rejecting the insane experience of disruption. IT'S NOT THE WAY IT WAS SUPPOSED TO... EGBERT SOMEHOW GAINED THE ABILITY TO... CHANGE THE PAST, BUT NOT LIKE ORDINARY TIME TRAVEL. IT'S LIKE...

It's like, for a moment, Karkat was ready to seize the reins of the timeline and do something important for once, something that wasn't violent or dumb or pointless, and then it got snatched away. Briefly, he feels the wide-open infinite possibility of that lost moment, and he feels Egbert snatching that possibility from him and his timeline, his whole self, sliding down a single channel.

And he rejects it, with everything inside himself. He feels it happen, the alpha timeline sliding away down one branch and himself, his self, going rogue, and going the other way. Or from another point of view--staying here. With her.